Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing

Two weeks ago I wrote about navigating the unknown and the importance of strengthening our ‘change muscle’ by sitting in discomfort. Speaking from experience and with research to support it, we know the more we proactively put ourselves outside our comfort zones, not only do we grow, but our brains are better trained to handle all the unknowns that life throws at us. And why wouldn’t we want to better equip ourselves for the only thing that is constant in life? Because the only thing we can really count on is change.

I am in the midst of taking more steps to build out my work in the positivity space, and there are elements of the unknown in every decision I make. As the human brain guarantees, along with that unknown, comes the unsolicited neurological reactions of worry and other mind-chatter. So I’ve been navigating through this using techniques from positive psychology.

And isn’t it interesting that when you need a good dose of perspective, the universe just seems to give it to you? Sometimes random things happen that allow you to connect dots that you knew you needed to connect, but just couldn’t get there with your conscious mind. And that dot can get connected by a something as simple as an encounter with a little kid.

This week, I was at a donor breakfast for Big Brothers, Big Sisters, the 501c3 that matches adult mentors with kids in need. Before the program started, a children’s chorus made up of about a dozen 7-12 year olds walked in the room. You could only see the tops of their heads over the sea of business suit filled tables in the Union League ballroom. Their cute high-pitched voices proceeded to sing, “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing” by Stevie Wonder.

It was just what I needed. My subconscious mind immediately generated a dose of perspective. There was something about a small group of innocent children with no understanding of the challenges of adult life – singing to a room full of adults not to worry. These children are in need – they come from broken homes with both or one parent absent and are really learning to deal with change. And their brains aren’t yet fully equipped to handle the emotional turbulence of a bad neighborhood or family situation. But they are, without knowing it, learning how to deal with change. And that innocence will help them get through it.

We forget what its like to come at the world from that perspective – bright eyed, curious, impressionable, honest and open. They may not have to convince themselves “not to worry about a thing” because they don’t yet have the adult gifts of cynicism, bias or expectation of how things and people should be. And in that moment, listening to those kids sing, I regained some perspective.

Every so often, it can be pretty inspirational to jolt yourself out of your autopilot mental narrative and come at the world with some of that child-like wonder. Replace your narrative with positive affirmations that things will turn out as they should, new things are meant to be tried, unknowns can be exiting, risks should be taken, life is meant to be lived, and there’s no need to worry. 

Showing Appreciation When the Calendar Doesn't Tell You To

As Americans, we celebrate many things in a one-and-done format: a day for the earth, a day for love, a day for veterans, a day to give thanks, a day for mothers…today is one of those days. Today we celebrate all that our mothers are, and all that they have done for us.

There are so many different types of experiences people have on this specific 'holiday.' While some of us see our mothers everyday, every few weeks, or every few months; some of us don't have our mothers around anymore, or it has been decided there is no relationship, or there was never an opportunity to have a relationship, or any other variation of circumstance. 

Whatever the type of relationship, sometimes in our fast-paced lives, there can be a tendency to pencil this day in on our calendars, do the due diligence of calling, celebrating or sending flowers, and immediately getting back to into the weekly routine. If your mother is no longer around, it can be a more difficult experience filled with emotion.

For anyone with any type of experience, there is an opportunity to use the concept of acknowledgement, gratitude and selflessness - and make it an every day thing. To reframe your perspective on why we need a national reminder to show appreciation. This year for me, these types of commercial holidays are becoming reminders that I don’t need a special day to say thank you -- to anyone in my life.

For those who have positive relationships with their mothers, perhaps you can channel that same energy you bring to Mother’s Day to your mom when it isn’t on the calendar. This extends beyond a typical phone call - because this mindset isn't about checking the box, its about the content and the quality of the interaction. The same effort that is put forth by so many on Mothers Day, can easily be done in a shorter but meaningful action every day of the year.

For those who do not have positive relationships or no longer have their moms around, there are ways to bring intentional appreciation to the lives of other people who have made an impact on you. The holiday is about showing other people they matter, so perhaps there is someone who embodies qualities that you admire as you would those of a mother. Or someone who has simply been a major influence in your life. Choose a time today and everyday, to show your appreciation for their existence.

This article by Troy Campbell reminds us that there is proven psychological benefits of sustained positive emotions. So rather than giving thanks in short spurts like what Mothers Day kind of forces us to do - we should consider propelling forward continuous acts of appreciation - things like regularly spending quality time over coffee or telling someone how much they mean to you, or helping them work through a difficult problem. Research shows these sustained acts of gratitude and kindness lead to greater well being.

If you are reading this and don't completely disagree, try using today not as only a one-and-done, but a catalyst to treating the people in your life with that same kind of purposeful attention on a more regular basis. 

Thank you, mom - for everything.

A Movement for Humanity

Approximately nine months ago I found it. I found the answer to the questions that had ignited Her Savory Life years ago. I describe it as a movement for humanity. It turns out that in looking to find my own purpose, I found an industry that is actually about that same process of helping people find happiness. How ironic. It's called Positive Psychology, and focuses on helping humans become engaged, empowered and in control of their lives. 

Dr. Martin Seligman is the founder of this new science, an evolved psychology - the science of human flourishing - which argues that rather than look at traditional methods of diagnosing illness and what is 'wrong' with people -- there is on the flip side, infinite wisdom and positive change that comes from proactively harnessing what is 'right' with people. It begins from a willingness and desire to self-reflect and commit to bettering ones self, and continues with deliberate, actionable steps to raise levels of a persons day-to-day and long-term wellbeing. 

As I was studying this field, I read this quote, which took hold of me and wouldn't let go. "Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” - Author unknown.

Before starting the HSL journey, I was blindly chasing a societal norm that had dictated most of my decisions as a child, adolesent and young adult. A lot of this in my opinion, begins with having to declare who we want to be and what we want to do when we are 20 years old. For me, the everyday decision of how we want to show up in this world and what to do with that precious 24-hour period should begin at age 20. These decisions should be influenced by our values, which can really only be shaped by adversities we've faced, places we've travelled to, different people we've met, diverse cultures we've experienced, and failures we've bounced back from. Many of us don't truly get exposure to this until well after those teen years.

At 30, I can say that the authentic person I am, not molded to a job, career path or societal expectation, is ever-evolving, but anchored from one constant - love. That anchor of love has brought me to positive psychology, which I can now say is my calling and I am forever its ambassador.

And the more exciting and externally-facing part is sharing this knowledge with others. After becoming a certified practitioner of applied positive psychology, I've spent the past several months using that foundational knowledge and combining it with my own experiences to teach people how to create their own formula for happiness. Its important to say that these teachings aren't only for people who feel they need to "unbecome" any restraints or forced identities, that is just my story of how I came into this work. This material is for everyone - for people who just want to better deal with negativity in their lives; individuals who want to manage stress, or build better relationships, or get more engaged at work; or cleanse and declutter their living spaces. This is for anyone interested in bettering themselves. Its a movement for humanity.

There is so much more I want to say about PosPsy, but I will reserve for now. I am happy to say I am actively teaching flourishing workshops of all kinds to individuals and teams. Read more about that here. 

And check out my student spotlight featured by my teacher, friend and Founder of The Flourishing Center, Louis Alloro.

Picture Your Future, Literally..

This week, find out how you can manifest your best self through the creation of a vision board. I've written a piece for Femme and Fortune about how the process of creating a collage can be a healthy and stimulating exercise to build and evolve your future. 

Happy visioning!

I Want to Teach the World to Be Happy

Last week I led a Happiness Workshop for Levo League’s Philadelphia chapter.

The workshop was a combination of lessons from my own self-discovery/career experimentation intertwined with teachings of Greek philosopher Epicurus, whose theories on happiness still very much apply to the 21st century. My goal for this workshop was to reframe the issue of happiness – to teach people that happiness doesn't mean walking around with a smile on your face everyday, as if living in a euphoric state. That’s not real life. But knowing, accepting and loving yourself in all moments, that’s real. Epicurus’ studies on what humans “think” we need to be happy, are still misconceptions today – yet are exactly what the mainstream fights for – money, luxury and love. And while admittedly, we all want those things in some capacity – the real solution to happiness lies within ourselves.

I was joined by a group of young female professionals, all ambitious and living busy, full lives. I led them through a series of organized steps, steeped in reflection, to absorb new techniques and learned behaviors. We sat in a circle and emotionally unbuttoned ourselves – which for some, might have been uncomfortable and risky. Despite that fact, each of these women openly participated in the name of bettering themselves. In those moments after a busy workday, we became each other’s supporters and motivators – women helping women find and embrace their authenticity.

A couple of the participants shared their experiences below.

I've come to place in my life and career where everything is very fast-paced. With all the goals I've set, I find myself constantly having to remember that what I'm doing is what will make me happy in the long run. It's easy to get caught up in that lie. Sam's workshop was a great respite from the time that I spend chasing my dream, and my son, to remember that happiness truly is an inside job and, luckily, a renewable resource that doesn't come from achievements or what I deem to be important milestones, but acceptance of myself in the moment and choosing to rest in the now and enjoy. It was great! – Olivia D.

There were several powerful moments in the workshop that gave us permission to be our authentic selves, which was beautiful to experience. I left feeling reflective, balanced, and positive!" – Arielle F.

The most rewarding part of it all was to hear the feedback from these ladies after the session. Going forward, I will be evolving the workshop content and will continue to tailor its structure to future audiences. Feel free to reach out if you are interested in discussing the workshop in more detail.

Leading a Reflection Exercise 

Meditation Session

Still Meditating